Joe Phoenix > sorry my eve crashed

Hello my Darlings!

I have returned from a brief sojourn to recant tales of wonder and awe.  Well not quite.
Mr Phoenix has been quite busy since I have been away and so I have compiled a new set of insightful views on Life, the Universe and Everything as espoused by this most enigmatic of intellects.  I have fed them into the Electronic BraneTM and here are the results for your enjoyment....

(Oh btw once again I garrauntee that these quotes, gleaned from pages and pages of chatlogs,  are unaltered and unabridged, simply taken out of their original context.)

INTRO
Joe Phoenix > hi
Joe Phoenix > know who i am?
Joe Phoenix > oh crap here we go again.
Joe Phoenix > can you handle this?



WHAT'S JOE BEEN TALKING ABOUT LATELY?
Joe Phoenix > how come you are in zedrik cayne's corp?
Joe Phoenix > hold up
Joe Phoenix > i don't want to tell oyu want to do or anything
Joe Phoenix > dude just leave your corp
Joe Phoenix > and join somone else
Joe Phoenix > you won't regret it
Joe Phoenix > im more of a bfbc2 guy


WIRED FOR SOUND
Joe Phoenix > can you lisson?
Joe Phoenix > i mean do u have speakers?

MORE DESLEXIA
Joe Phoenix > trouble spelling? do i?

Joe Phoenix > dyslexia strikes again

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU SUED CCP, JOE?  AND WHY WOULD YOU?
Joe Phoenix > sue ccp? thats actuelly not a bad idea, they would probably crash in court or hire george bush as a charector witness.  But please cayne next time you edit a chat log please try to make the lies you spin at least SOUND real.
Joe Phoenix > they have to abide my a set of rules for online gaming

Joe Phoenix > its a legal requirement
Joe Phoenix > dealing with and banning people who make RW threats, harrase other people, attempt to effect thier real lives
Joe Phoenix > hate mail being one of them
Joe Phoenix > otherwise they cant operate the game in countries like, for example the UK
Joe Phoenix > CCP own the forums that cayne has been posting in
Joe Phoenix > CCP allow cayne to harras players from not only my corp
Joe Phoenix > but countless others
Joe Phoenix > its basicly againest the EULA
Joe Phoenix > we're probably taking him and CCP to court over this

TELL ME MORE ABOUT ZEDRIK CAYNE AND THIS ALLEDGED HARASSMENT
Joe Phoenix > right well im just telling u zedrik is a fucktard
Joe Phoenix > he's a mental patient IRL and uses corp mates as meat shields
Joe Phoenix > but zedrik is the WORST piece of shit i have ever come accross in eve
Joe Phoenix > hes a scamming griefer
Joe Phoenix > he bullys corps into collapse
Joe Phoenix > tried to do it for 9 months with me
Joe Phoenix > he griefed me for 12 months none stop
Joe Phoenix > wrote pages of shit about me on the forum
Joe Phoenix > harrased me in game and out of game
Joe Phoenix > sent me hate mail through the post
Joe Phoenix > made real world threats
Joe Phoenix > Ironically now that im not a noob and have combat skills i can't undock anyway because of these stupid patches
Joe Phoenix > But if i get a chance i might strap a pair of warp core stabilizers on and fly around the system to **** cayne off like the good old days , ahh how he whinned....
Joe Phoenix > this is his last victim
Joe Phoenix > http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1396339
Joe Phoenix > this guy was really nice

Joe Phoenix > zedrik made him quiet

Joe Phoenix > put my friend in hospital

Joe Phoenix > through blood pressure problems

Joe Phoenix > had my cousin in tears

Joe Phoenix > after some of the crap he said
Joe Phoenix > he is so fucked up dude i swear!

ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT ZEDRIK CAYNE AND THE IEEE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE THAN JUST SEIZING ASSESTS AND ENFORCING GOOD STANDARDS?
Joe Phoenix > im afraid thats what standards and practices do

Joe Phoenix > they bully people for fun
Joe Phoenix > and then brag about it on the forum
Joe Phoenix > if you want to be a part of that then thats your choice
Joe Phoenix > http://zedrikcayne.blogspot.com/?zx=456c3c4485b4f84f
Joe Phoenix > that is but SOME of the crap
Joe Phoenix > look i'll find on of his latest posts
Joe Phoenix > http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1396339
Joe Phoenix > zedrik is a lier dude

Joe Phoenix > everything he says is a lie

Joe Phoenix > EVERYTHING

Joe Phoenix > put my director into hospitalfor high blood pressure
Joe Phoenix > my director couldn't walk and was aggrophobic after a horrific car crash
Joe Phoenix > he doesn't HAVE anything else
Joe Phoenix > or should i say had

Joe Phoenix > he's dead.
Joe Phoenix > and im sure zedrik harrasing him didn't help

Joe Phoenix > had my cousin in tears
Joe Phoenix > who is 5
Joe Phoenix > he had me at my wits end and im healthy

Joe Phoenix > cant imagine what it did to him
Joe Phoenix > ofcourse i explain this to cayne

Joe Phoenix > he just laughed

Joe Phoenix > he is a lieing piece of shit
Joe Phoenix > oh and he sent me real life hate mail through the post
Joe Phoenix > lisson dude gods honest truth i cannot tell you how much of a piece of shit this guy is

GOD'S HONEST TRUTH?  ISN'T THAT...A BIT BLASPHEMOUS?
Joe Phoenix > erm actuelly matie boy, im buddist, so i couldn't give two shits about your lord or being in contempt of him :)
Joe Phoenix > i had a priest like you once.. he touched me...
Joe Phoenix > i don't want to talk about it.

OK.  ANYONE OUT THERE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEND A MESSAGE TO TODAY?
Joe Phoenix > could you please tell t1mmeh about what a little shit zedrik is
Joe Phoenix > i think sycotic is the word i would use.
Joe Phoenix > i think i told him to fuck off once
Joe Phoenix > its not an opinion dude, its a fact
Joe Phoenix > why would shooting me possibly be a good idea :P

AND WHAT FUN PLANS HAVE YOU FOR THE COMING WEEKEND?
Joe Phoenix > on the weekend i run naked across a firing range for the thrills

Joe Phoenix > well get used to it, i streak when i get into a fight
Joe Phoenix > its an awesome defence mechanism
Joe Phoenix > scares the crap out of people
Joe Phoenix > also a great way to pick up the ladies :P
Joe Phoenix > dude i know the perfect place

Joe Phoenix > drop your corp and i'll show you where to go for some REAL fun :)
Joe Phoenix > i wonder if spank is on...
Joe Phoenix > no she isn't
Joe Phoenix > seriously dude if you want some real fun, go somwhere else
Joe Phoenix > YES!!! I cought another anal ****

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME
Joe Phoenix > that was predictable
Joe Phoenix > well enjoy being a sad act who cant get any action :)

Looks like Im going to have to do some repairs on the Electric BraneTM this time around.  It seems a little... befuddled........

Joe Phoenix > did you hear about todays narsty occurances..

Caldari News Network

CNN Sobseki

>>>>>BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS<<<<<

Anchorwoman: Good Evening, I'm Swifty Frisko reporting live from Sobseki with a CNN Special Report!

Reports have been received of a showdown between local corporations at one of our jump-gates.  Local CONCORD police ships are at the scene, and I'm being told that Achuran reporter Trisha Takinawa is there live.  What's the situation Trisha?

>Scene changes from news studio to the observation deck of a CONCORD Caracal

Trisha:  Thanks Swifty.  You can see behind me three Battleships belonging to a several different owners, apparently awaiting the arrival of a fleet belonging to the Imperial Commonwealth.  Commanders Alpin Wolf and Paul Moon, indentured Deputies of the organisation Standards & Practices, have stated their intention of "Preventing further loss of life and destruction of resources at the hands of Grand Commander Joe Phoenix and his followers, even at the point of a gun".  The Commander of the Armageddon that is accompanying them, one Captain AltBoy, has also made clear his intention to aid the fleet with batteries of heavy remote repair modules.

CONCORD have offiicially stated that after looking into this, Wolf & Moon's Declaration of War against the Imperial Commonwealth is legal and they will not interfere unless the parties involved.... oh wait!  Something is happening!

External: The three allied warships sit motionless at various points around the Gate, CONCORD orbiting like angry hornets.  The gate flares suddenly and space seems to ripple as three more Battleships materialise, all three bearing Imperial Commonwealth insignia

Trisha:  That's the Imperial Commonwealth fleet alright, according to their ID beamers they are commanded by Captains Allko, Tito and SpaceWizard.  I can see the turrets swivelling and.... yes, they are engaging!

External: Space lights up as the battleships begin firing at each other.  Moon's Dominix is wreathed in fire, seemingly taking the brunt of the IC firepower.  A bright beam of energy crackles out from AltBoy's Armageddon, reinforcing its shields and patching armour holes.  However, after a few seconds of maneuvering under fire, it becomes clear that the massed firepower is more that the Dominix is capable of taking.

Trisha:  It seems that the Deputised fleet is becoming overwhelmed.  That Dominix surely can't take much more of that kind of punishment.

>Studio:

Swifty:  Can you tell if there is any real risk to space users attempting to use the Gate?  Any attempts by the parties to deploy area-effect weapons or ECM generators?

>CONCORD Caracal:

Trisha:  No Swifty, from here it looks like a fairly clean fight..... one moment....

>Researcher hands Trisha a note from off-camera

Trisha:  This just in, CONCORD ship scanners report that Commander AltBoy's Armageddon appears to be only using one of its repair modules!  A ship that size can often have as many as half a dozen or more, it doen't make sense it should only be using one.......

>External:  The Dominix begins to try to align to the Gate, gaping wounds in its sides blazing brightly revelaing internal fires on many decks.  Just as it begins the spin-up sequence for its engines, the Armageddon's engines flare, and it lurches at the Gallante-built vessel, causing its proximity thrusters to fire, pushing it off alignment and causing the jump to fail.  A split second later, and a massive fireball rips the squat round shape of the battleship into thousands of tiny spinning metal shards.

Trisha:  Oh my!  Swifty, did you see that?  Oh the humanity!  It looked like AltBoy's ship purposely rammed the Dominix, forcing it off the Gate just long enough for it to be destroyed!

>External:  Without remote repair beams or any other targets, the Commonwealth Battleships destroy Alpin's Raven in short order, its escape pod warping through the gate almost as soon as it ejects for the ship as it explodes.

Trisha:  Well Swifty, that looks like the end of..... wait!  Are..are we getting this?!

>External:  AltBoy's beams, all of them this time, begin repairing SpaceWizard's armour and shields, boosting them signifigantly as SpaceWizard fires on the unprepared Imperial Commonwealth Ravens. Clearly a highly skilled and very well equipped pilot, SpaceWizard's weapons carve the already damaged Imperial ships up in seconds, and the escape pod belonging to one of the Captains is destroyed in the explosion of the other's ship.

Trisha:  SpaceWizard has just attacked his Imperial Commonwealth allies!  And now is jumping through the Gate as AltBoy's Armageddon scoops the most valuable cargo and is preparing to leave also!  It would seem that it was a rouse by two very well organised Commanders to take advantage of the War between the two sides here today Swifty!  If anything, a lesson for us all I think!

>Studio:  Swifty:  Indeed Trisha!  I think there is a lesson for anyone out on the space lanes tonight:  Do You Know Who Your Allies Are?  Reporting for CNN, I'm Swifty Frisko.....

>CONCORD Caracal: Trisha:  And I'm Trisha Takinawa, Good Night!
>Behind Trisha, barely noticable through the view port of the Carcal, a Minmatar Probe-class scout frigate decloaks, and scoops as much of the abandoned wreckage as possible before looking around shiftily and running for it.

Joe Phoenix > a professional wanker is not hard to achieve

Things had been strangely quiet around the offices of the IEEE recently. Alarm bells had rang once or twice but very little of interest had materialised in the last fortnight. I found myself staring out the window of our sparsely appointed Perimeter office once or twice too many times in recent days, the strain of Skin-Walking was starting to take its toll. My real body, that is my current clone, was quite unwell after any sustained periods of my concious mind moving around. I wasn't sure if it was the New Eden drugs, the cybernetic implants or the really bad Caldari coffee that the machines here urinate into the plastic cup, but I decided it was time for a rest from all of that sort of thing for a bit. It was time to get out there for real again.

Just as I started thinking thoughts about Rifters and enforcing good Standards on some Achuran jetcan-miners, my PDA beeped.

"Agent Damien McCandless is away from his clone currently, please feel free to leave a message at the sound of the tone. TONE." I quipped.

"Knock it off D, this is P.Q., have you fallen asleep or does Local not get your attention anymore?"

Agent P.Q., one of my oldest associates, barring The Boss himself, had never forgave me for letting Joe get away once because it was 4am and I had literally fallen asleep at the controls of my ship.

I glanced down at the constantly streaming gibberish that clogged the local comms channel regularly. Sure enough, in the "Persons In Channel" frame was a twinkling red dot. A dot labelled Joe Phoenix.

"What the hell....?"


"Yeah D, he's right next door to you and you never noticed, ehh? Lol, you must be gettin' old. See ya outside the Navy Yard in 5."

When PQ says 5, he means 5 ago. So I leapt down the stairs to the flight deck. What to pick what to pick...... er not much as it turned out. My cache of ships was a little low in recent times, most of it spread over a wide area of Providence in very very tiny pieces due to the alignment of the IEEE investigation into Joe and the -A- "investigation" into CVA. I was comforted that the violence in Provi had also caused Joe to become an unwilling refugee too.

Anyway, my Hawk Assault Frigate was sitting at the back of the bay, covered in dust, scratches and was looking very forlorn. Persecutor 13 was probably the biggest waste of money I had ever spent. Statistically a poor ship, I had tried to make the most of this dog by fitting her with Energy Vampire modules and Tackle gear, but had never really had an opportunity to use them. Maybe tonight I would.

So there I was sitting outside the Navy Yard in Perimeter, and Joe had us all blocked on the local chat, so not much was happening as usual. We had a Deputised Neutral pilot with us, let's call him Alpin (in-joke for me), and him and Joe were smacking away in local. At about this time the proximity alarm started to ping, and an Armageddon class battleship heaved its enormous bulk from the station and began trying to occupy the same spacial co-ordinates as PQ's Raven.

"What the….. What is this guy trying to do?!" PQ sounded legitamately annoyed.

The Armag wasn't showing known Imperial Commonwealth designators, but it was showing a known Internal Anarchy registration code. IntAn claimed to be mercenaries, but spend most of their time neutral-repping outside Jita in an attempt to cause fire-fights and generally declaring war for lulz. IEEE had once been decced by them, but we ignored it as we had been elsewhere at the time.

I commed the pilot, a jovial character we shall call SpaceWizard. Before long PQ and I were chatting away with him. It appeared that he was in a long standing feud with Alpin over some ancient slight from literally years ago, and assumed we were friends of his. We explained he had been deputised for the war against the Imperial Commonwealth and was tagging along. SpaceWiz started getting all friendly like, and I started to smell a big ole tarp. This was confirmed when (after talking in a friendly manner with Joe in local and smacking us lightly) he suggested in private that he could get Joe to undock. For lulz I agreed.

SpaceWiz docked up and we moved our battleships out of system. I sat orbitting in my Hawk with a big sausage tied around my neck acting as bait. Joe would come out and it would be Battleships everywhere with me jamming, though I figured SpaceWiz ( and his alt AltBoy) would fall on the winner of the fight anyway.

Fortunately for all concerned, just as Joe came out, the other half of the IEEE fleet, who had been on long range manuevers in low-sec, appeared on local and warped to the station at the wrong time, and Mr Phoenix ran back inside cackling maniacally to himself about failed tarps and victories due to his tactical genius again. Though a botch-job, I suggested to SpaceWiz that as Joe seemed to trust him, he should get AltBoy into the Imperial Commonwealth as it would be very lulz worthy and he agreed. Now, dear reader, I must point out that at no time did I suggest that he spy for us or anything remotely like that. But I did kind of figure having a 30 million skill point psychopath inside the IC ready to gank anyone for lulz would lead to an exciting adventure.

Boy was I right……….

Joe Phoenix > in and out of game i live to make a better world...

So for the last few days I have been working on my Skin Walking.  At first, I wasn't quite getting what /Emote had meant, and I lost quite a few Rifters to various things; TestBed A became one with an asteroid as I tried jamming the warp drive on, TestBeds B, C and E were all gunned down by various ne'er-do-wells and Testbed D vanished as I tried, though my pod remained in space as per normal. 

Then, not long ago, I got it.

Its wierd, it kinda seemed to work when I have ore in my hold, not to mention being out of my mind on Elite Angel Dust.  I was in this Osprey in Perimeter, trying to fit in with the locals, and nicking out of cans, and such, you know, wolf-in-carebear clothing kind of thing, when all of a sudden, I s-jumped.  For a second I felt at one with every facet of the universe at once.  I could see stars being born, I could see the complex mathematics that control why the sky is a particular colour, I could see a thousand Goons, voices raised at once, then suddenly silenced, I could see waves of Minmatar ships swarming at a shining golden beacon deep in Providence, scattering all before them.

It was pretty fucking awesome, dude.

And then -zoink-  I was in.  Who and where, I wasn't sure, but I was definately in a pod, and that pod was attached to a ship.  Zooming in I saw familiar Imperial Commonwealth markings on the hull of this particular craft.  I also noticed someone was talking to me on open comms.

"Well, what do you think?  I dont like it, no sir I dont!"

The comm panel showed me that my ship was fleeted, and an icon labelled Arabasta was flashing.  DefaultName23234 was the only other ship in our little fleet, and I guessed my name was Techiko, judging from the layout.  We hung suspended in an asteroid field, wrecks of rats all around us and curiously, a Coercer class Destroyer in front of us, asking if we wanted help towing them back to station.

"C'mon guys it would be fun, lets waste the lil puke!" laughed Default
"Seriously Tech, won't CVA take it badly if we do this?  Won't Joe kill you?!" asked Arabasta

I smiled, targetting up the defenseless ship, figuring it was fitted with salvage rigs and nothing else.
"Nah, he'll think its funny" I laughed, launching a volley of missiles.

Now, I gotta give it to the plucky DD pilot, he really did survive a lot, but just as his warp engine was spinning up, my last rocket caught him on the dorsal plate, and he detonated.  Persumably none of us were carrying webs, because the guy's pod warped off at top speed.  I took that as my cue to leave and promptly returned to my body, hoping that would at least start some thing running.
How right I was.

Two days later, I s-jumped back to Techiko to see how he was doing.  Imagine my suprise to find myself in a court room, with Joe serving as Judge, Judy and Executioner, banging his gavell and ranting about "Order in court!"-this and "You will respect the Judge!"-that.   Techiko and Arabasta were being charged with "Actions Unbecoming a Memebr of The Commonwealth", "Endangerment of the Commonwealth in Providence" and numerous other charges.  The little puke and his large CEO were also there, presumably playing the part of the prosecution.  Seems that the penalty for murdering neutrals in CVA (and not letting CVA find out) is somewhere like 80 million IsK and 6 months community service, whatever that is.  Of course, I pleaded guilty as charged, after all I was there.  Apparently Tech had been pleading ignorance of the rules and being badly led-on by Default, but hell, I decided that I should plead guilty to all charges without exception and throw my self at the Court's mercy before jumping out of Tech's body again before I suggested I be executed.

Last thing I heard, a very confused Techiko is on holiday/left/was kicked out of the IC, his POS "impounded" (i.e. confiscated) by Joe and went to work on Arabasta's tomato farm in Lonetrek.

Joe Phoenix > so you are saying you are an acception to the rule?

As I have previously mentioned, in a previous life I had powers which I seem to have lost.  The problem with jumping from one universe to another is that rules that govern the reality of one world do not necessarily travel over to the next.  I think there is some kind of rationale, but I'm no Theoretical Physicist so I couldn't even begin to bore you with what the current thinking on this is, suffice to say that Page 42 in one Universal Rule-Book does not have to exist in the next, and there are far to many instances of "Turn to Page xx" where nature has not bothered to proofread properly.  The upshot of this is that when you jump to another world, what you are trying to do many have massively unforseen circumstances.

Recently I had been trying to keep up with Joe Phoenix during his forays into Providence and Catch regions.  Unfortunately, my investigations kept being cut short both by the local CVA-friendly heavies, the Alliances at war with them (who keep putting up those infernally annoying blockade bubbles) and also generic reds who like to have a go.  I decided after too many lost Stealth Bombers I needed to return home for rest and resupply and gathered up some crap, ran the WT camp at Esa and set a course for Empire Space where I finally stopped.  My wallet felt far too light, the stench of burning ship lingered in my uniform and the pile of junk in my hangar was pretty much just that, junk.  I headed to the suite I rent from this station in a really foul mood and collapsed onto the bed.  For the first time in ages I fell asleep without the aid of large quantities of illicit drugs and I must say, it was a very unpleasant experience and one I don't wish to repeat.

When I woke up, I was siezed by an idea.  I realised I hadn't felt the sudden drop in reality that usually accompanies my movements between worlds.  Now it wasn't so much that the universe felt super-real, not like it did back on Mort, but more that it was static, that there was no ebb or flow of reality, no "eddies in the time-streams" so to speak.  No Eddies at all in fact.
I decided to try out  a theory.  I pulled the trunk from under my bed where I keep my large stash and loaded my two hypo-pnuematic syringes with about 50ccs of the hardest, most evil-looking narcotics that this New Eden can produce and placed the tips of the needles at the base of my skull where I inject for maximum outage.  A collegue once commented this was the Emergency Eject technique, as I have used it in the past to remove my concious self from sticky situations where I would be forced to take responsibility for my actions.  I pulled the triggers.  Everything went white.

Damien > .......
Damien > .......
Damien > ..................
Voice > Hello Damien
Damien> Wh-who's there?
Voice > Its /emote
Damien > Oh!  Hi!  Good to know your alive
/emote > Shut up for a second, I haven't got long.  I figured out how to Skin-Walk again.  You have to do it either mid-jump or in WormHole Space.  For some reason the normal rules work in there.
Damien > Oooookay.  Sounds risky.
/emote > Of course it is!  But you should try it.  Find me again once you got it working.  I gotta go, I'm nearly in the top five for Hulk kills and theres this one that refuses to die......

I woke up suddenly.
Could it be true?  Could I Skin-Walk again?  I picked up the syringes and stuffed them back in the case.  Running down the launch bay to where my ships were parked, I ran up the ramp of the first one I came to clutching the drug case to my chest like a child.

Soon.... soon all will be as it should be......

Joe Phoenix > and yet with all these griefers on your side you still cannot break me... and its driving you instain...

Last night I failed, big time.
Not so much in the way that Damien McCandless Esquire ME OBE IDST hasn't failed before mind, I have often been trapped, killed reborn, walked into another slightly different trap and been killed again.  Its par for the course.  It helps me understand people better each time.

No I failed because I did not take my own advice.
"Never listen to what your opponent says but pay close attention to what he does."

It wasn't Joe.  I would like to make that clear.
CVA Security have been hounding me for a few days now.  Its a rarity that I wake up, check the local and not see such wonderful people such as my friend CrimsonWar waiting for me in camp or in station. 

Last night, I went into Providence to look for Joe, and was followed for the best part of an hour.  Dodging from safe spot to safe spot, cloaking, uncloaking warping again, claoking and then sitting for ages unmoving in my Kestrel S Boat 13, CVA's Torpedos finally decided to head me off at the pass.  It only took them an hour and a half to fighure out I was heading to see Mr Joe at his local hang-out at the Casino ROAL.

When I got in system, I issued my standard local greetign to Joe so he knew I was in .
"HIYA JOE!!!!"

About ten minutes later, I was commed by one of God's Holy (Bag)Rollers (I can't remember which one exactly).
"Do you want Joe?"
Heh who wouldn't?
"Come to and you can have him.  He annoys us now"
Yeah, he'll do that.
"Im only in a Kestrel." I say honestly.
"Thats okay," says the Torpedo, "We will kill him."

Alas, dearhearts, at this time, Macca's legendary greed and avarice kicked in.  My voices screamed at me it was a trap, that this was stupid, that it was clearly total bollocks.
ITS A TARP ITS A TARP DONT GO DONT BE A MORON YOU WILL REGRET IT
But I so dearly wanted to see CVA kill Joe, I let a child-like sense of smugness enter into the equation.  I was sitting in a 30,000 isk ship, with about 10,000 isk of kit on it and an unaugmented clone body, I didn't feel I would lose anything of value.  Plus I would wake up in a nice Amarrian clone tube in Empire.

Five minutes later, I woke up in a nice Amarrian clone tube in Empire.

Pros:  I saw the gang who was waiting, presumably most of the group assigned to patrol for IEEE Investigators.  I know that they will happily do anything to protect a guy like Joe from his creditors.  And I know that they are very matter-of-fact about their killing, evidenced by the lack of smack talk of any kind at all.  I learned a lesson.

Cons:  I was very very stupid.  I got angry not at being killed but because of how they must have laughed at my stupidity and greed.  I lost about 150000 isk, which isn't much but is a loss so it goes here.  Most of all though, I acted like Joe. 

And that is now my cross to bear.  Perhaps there is something to this Amarrian God Image deal, perhaps not.  It was an extremely minor incident in a very very tiny war in a corner of not very important space, but it is informing my attitude to how this place works.  And has caused me to rethink that line of advice from earlier;

"Never do what your opponent does but pay close attention to how he does it."

Plus, I was inspired to build a new ship.
A nice little Rifter fitted for unsupported piracy in deep space called Flagellant 13.  She will be my hair-shirt :).

Joe Phoenix > hope you don't treat your uncle like this

I've decided to take a rest from illustrating my wretched life for a while and concentrate on the philosophical quandaries that plague a not-quite-a-pirate-not-quite-a-mercenary-certainly-not-a-carebear-definately-an-IEEE-Investigator like me.

This is not because life is dull, but the way I figure it, the ghosts and lurkers who may actually read what I write aren't particularly interested in the minutae of countless stealth-bomber runs on Joe's poorly-tanked Drake while he cries for help from CVA because he can't fight worth a crap himself and no one in his so-called corporation wants to come and help him do whatever he thinks he is doing in Providence.  And don't get me started on why is all-powerful Allice hasn't formed up yet to sweep the skies clear of every last glowy red IEEE agent, deputised or official.

No, dearhearts, this is more about WTF.

As in WTF is going on?  What is going on in EvE?  Who lives here?  Why do they do the things they do?  Is this blog going to be amusing?  Thoughtful?  Anger-inducing?  I doubt it.  But lets see where this takes us.

Lets start at the beginning.  What's in a name?
Eve/EvE/EVE/The Atrocity Simulator, whatever you prefer to call it, its still a better and more fitting name than WoW, which is poor (in that it doesn't feature a whole "World", there isn't actually any "War" and the "craft" is basically no more than mining/fishing/sewing/putting the kettle on for when the boys come home from the dungeon.  I guess the "of" is apt.  If its short for "offal").  I have thought hard about why my current game of choice is called EvE and for me it boils down to it being E vs E
.
In a PvP game, Players fight other Players.  In a PvE game, the players fight the computer, the Environment.  Therefore in EvE games, the Environment fights itself.  Now, besides what some popularist-gaming-filth (PGF, more on these later) may claim, there is NO PvE in EvE.  Ratting does not count as "game" anymore than cutting the grass for Rupees in Zelda counts as "game".  Ratting/Missioning is the only "quest" type (urg I feel unclean) in EvE, and as it is easier than BREATHING does not count as GAME.  Therefore, there is nothing but hot player-on-player action.  Furthermore, the players make stuff, do things, create, rant, rp etc etc etc all of this creates the rich environment of New Eden.  The players are the Environment,.as there is virtually nothing else out there, so therefore it is truely and E v E game.  So expect to get messed with.  If you don't want interaction with human beings of dubious intent (ie all of them), go back to your console, you PGF.

Life: None
Actually there are a great many people who seem to live only within the walls of the EvE servers.  Some of us (such as myself) are characters from other game-worlds who have become trapped in the new digital age.  Some are the alter-egos of the Users, some are nothing but soulless programs designed to perform monotonous tasks, and some are just bots.  Im not sure which of these Joe Phoenix fits into , but generally most of the folk I regularly encounter fall into either being literary memes or soulless robots.

Popularist Gaming Filth general gravitate into two camps, either the Carebear or the Failed Pirate (these are not mutally exclusive).  Popularist Gaming Filth love Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.  They love any so-called "game" which basically allows you to "win" by leading you around by the nose telling you to do stuff and offering no threat above having to repeat the same sequence over again, only now you know what to do. Ever played Soldier of Fortune?  No?  Well its a good example of what I mean.  Player walks into room, allows himself to be shot by the enemies so he can see where they are and then kills each one in turn with a a single shot each.  Repeat ad nauseum.

 I was like this when I played CJ's Elephant Antics on the Commodore 64 when I was 12, but thankfully both games and my ability to enjoy them evolved.  PGF are not like this.  They like their games like they like their music; bland and chosen for them by Simon Cowell.  I like my games like I like my coffee; in a cup and far to hot to drink without training Thermodynamics V first.
PGF become failed pirates when the rage-o-meter hits over 9000 after their fourth ganked retriever sinks beneath the waves of the methane sea, and they discover that CONCORD is a harsher mistress than fate.  Thankfully, this can often lead them to the way of the True Pirate, a noble profession to be sure, or even more noble, the Registered Mercenary.  Some even decided to sell their XboX 360s and PS3's, but sadly too few.  I'd just rather they went back to watch football with the rest of the herd and left me alone to enjoy my video games in peace.  Or rather war-crime filled carnage.  Whatever floats your boat.

Okay Im bored now.  And I have to go back to work.

Part Two maybe later.  If I'm bored again.

TTFN